Quite some time ago, I got my first kiss.
How weird, why would I call it that? Why do people call it the "first kiss"?
My mother kissed me, right the day when I was born and she was so happy to have me, a red faced little bundle that would not stop crying. When I see pictures of my first day in the world, I do not find myself very kiss-worthy. I was, to my mother. To her, I was precious.
My father kissed my soon after. He did not so often as my mother did, but how my father loved me! For a long time, he had a bunch of sons and me his only daughter - my sister was born many years after me, and until then, I was his princess. He cherished me, and he kissed me as well.
I kissed my siblings when we were younger. We do not so nowadays, but back then, before we were in school age, I used to hug and kiss my brothers with no timidity. I kissed my baby sister when she was born and so tiny and so cute. A red-faced bundle that would not stop crying... I wonder what I will see when I look at my own child someday. I'm sure I will greet her or him with a kiss.
But when someone kisses you in school age, puberty or later who is no relative of you, it is called "first kiss". Whatever. I was kissed many times before, and I kissed many times before. We kiss people who are dear to us.
Not so much about this "first kiss". It's a thing of experimenting, of finding out what it feels like. It's different to be kissed by someone who's not your family.
And only because you kiss doesn't have to mean he or she means the world to you. Or you to him / her. Can very well be one of you two doesn't give three shits.
Isn't a kiss a strange thing? How did humans get this idea? To put their lips onto each other? To kiss the other one's forehead, cheek, hand, nose, neck... the other one's lips. Is a kiss an expression of deep caring or of shallow wanting?
A kiss is often considered some pre-sexual body thing.
Why would it, though? It's not when I kiss my siblings or parents, there's no sexual thing about it. Why is it with "potential partners"?
I don't know if I want to see a kiss as something sexual. It's very intimate, but in a personal, tender way. A way of touching someone you really care about - I think that's what it should be.
When I was kissed first, he was not. He had kissed many girls before, and he was quite a deal older than me. I cared deeply for him, in a way I didn't really understand then. It took me a while to see that the first guy I kissed was also the first guy I fell in love with. Do young people love more intensely? He was everything to me.
I was in love, but I was not stupid. Soon I realized he did not feel the same. There was something different in his kisses. He did not mean to show me I was dear to him. He wanted something, he always wanted something.
For a while, I decided to not care. It felt too great to be kissed by him. And even now, after a long time without him, I like to remember my first kiss. He was nice to me, held me and did not push anything. I was so unsure and confused and overwhelmed.
I can tell, it was a really shitty first love, but it was the perfect first kiss.
Afterwards, it turned constantly worse. I only wanted to be around him, and it started to annoy him. Which in turn annoyed me.
I loved him.
I felt deceived when he didn't love me in return.
I craved for him like for a drug.
I cried after him.
I even ran after him.
I started to hate him, eventually.
I ignored him and went my ways.
Now I've actually reached a point where I don't care at all. Not exactly like a stranger, more like a former classmate one didn't like in school - I'd feel awkward if I'd meet him again and would not like to speak with him, but most of the time, I don't even think about the fact that he exists.
How feelings can change. Love, anger, addiction, hate, indifference.
But the memory of my first kiss remained fondly. I want to always remember it like that. Now, it makes me feel young to think of it.
I think when I kiss someone else once again, it is not the same as it was with my first kiss. It might be good and exciting, it might even mean more. But it doesn't get stuck in my head like this first kiss did.
I wonder if people unlearn to kiss when they grow older. I hug my mom sometimes, but I don't kiss her anymore. I don't kiss my siblings anymore, I rather tell them they are stupids and can't do any shit - they do the same with me, and in some way, this means "Love ya, sis". Weird.
It's how we talk to each other, and it doesn't feel rude in any way. But I just can't remember when we unlearned kissing and hugging. Aren't those the ideal ways to show you love someone? I think a hug or a kiss can be very soothing.
Hope some day I meet someone who is not a relative of me and yet kisses me the same way - not because he wants something but just because he cares.
I think you are right.
maybe it is the memories of that first kiss?
i agree with u, i also kiss and hug my relatives and siblings, in portugal we have that way of greeting people too a kiss on the cheek i know what u mean by u loving a guy, i have felt that before too, my first true kiss, it was that long ago either. but like u said its like we feel really in love. but maybe it was just desire.. idk , i can relate to what u are saying :3